Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Gosch: Reloaded

There aren't many wi-fi hotspots near Karkuk, but you knew I would find one eventually, didn't you? Johnny Gosch, brain-washed sex slave turned correspondent to the war of the surreal, is nothing if not persistent.

I woke up early yesterday morning in a complete daze to find myself in the front yard of this charming couple, who were casually enjoying the joi de vivre of post-liberation Iraq from the comfort of their Miami Lowback Arm-Chairs.

The man claimed to be a certain "Hassez Al-Hamein," an importer of Chinese kitchen appliances. But something rang false in the man's voice, and I couldn't quite place it...He spoke too quickly, and possibly in Sweedish. Either way, I didn't like the looks of his Birkenstocks, so I quickly manufactured an excuse about needing to find a dialysis center and high-tailed it out of there.

The only clues to the last five months are the contents of my urber-fashionable cargo pants, which consisted of:

225 Rubbles
A matchbook from the MGM Grand, with the numbers 1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34 written inside
A schematic blueprint of the U.S.S. Yorktown
An empty bottle of Wet-Light brand lubricant
A note in crayon: Jamhuuriya Militia 011-457-703-4467
A 1986 TOPPS Wade Boggs baseball card
A rather incriminating photo of myself and Harriet Miers
A popsicle stick
A human finger

There is much to unravel, but in the meantime, ponder the beauty of nature's harmonic 4-day timecube:

Awash in a sea of enigma, your pal,

Johnny Gosch


Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Your stuff sounds sort of like the pilot's kit contents in Strangelove ... one combintion Rooshian phrase book and bible, one hundred dollars in gold, one hundred dollars in rubles, three pair nylon stockings, three lipsticks ...

2:58 PM  
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