Wednesday, November 09, 2005



As a victim and perpetrator of unspeakable acts of torture, I can verify its remarkable efficacy. Yet the application of massive physical and psychological pain is severely underappreciated by the American public. Without the judicious (and often erotic) application of torture, our entire global civilization would fall apart in days.

Torture feels right...It feels right to hurt those who are afraid of you. If someone is keeping a secret from me, I burn their eyes with Drano and electrocute their penis. Back when G. Gordon Liddy was pimping me out to the Royal Family of Saudia Arabia, he always used to tell me, "Jeff, electrocute their penises."

And he was right.