Saturday, November 12, 2005

Between a Radio and a Hard Place

There is no pornography in Darfur, but that's where the ULF transmissions beamed into my tailbone told me to go.

The closest substitute is Radio Obdurman, which features the bizarrely ribald agit-prop skits of the genocidal Janjaweed Militia as well as a broad variety of archival programming from Clear Channel Broadcasting. But sometimes you just have to rough it, and not just when you're roving across the world's most dangerous stretch of desert during a massive schizophrenic episode. Even some Best Westerns don't have Spectra-vision.

So as a service to fellow homofacist sadomasochists, I review the titillating potential of some of America's leading conservative radio commentators, now available worldwide via the magic of satellite:

Paul Harvey

We didn't come this far because we're made of sugar candy. Once upon a time, we elbowed our way onto and across this continent by giving smallpox-infected blankets to Native Americans. That was biological warfare. And we used every other weapon we could get our hands on to grab this land from whomever.

And we grew prosperous. And yes, we greased the skids with the sweat of slaves. So it goes with most great nation-states, which--feeling guilty about their savage pasts--eventually civilize themselves out of business and wind up invaded and ultimately dominated by the lean, hungry up-and-coming who are not made of sugar candy.

Rating: 5 Bulldogs

Seriously hot. I want to dip myself in his brill cream, and be "ultimately dominated."

Ann Coulter
Liberals keep telling us the media isn't liberal, but in order to retaliate for the decimation of major news organizations like the New York Times, CBS News and CNN, all they can do is produce the scalp of an obscure writer for an unknown conservative Web page.

Rating: 1 Bulldog

This bitch really turns me off.

Bill O'Reilly:

You know, if I'm the president of the United States, I walk right into Union Square, I set up my little presidential podium, and I say, "Listen, citizens of San Francisco, if you vote against military recruiting, you're not going to get another nickel in federal funds. Fine. You want to be your own country? Go right ahead."

And if Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead.

Rating: 3 Bulldogs

Huge subliminal phallus bonus: "podium", "comes", "blows", blow", "Coit Tower". The throbbing megalomania is a plus too. But if you look past the homicidal threats, you see a little boy threatening to take his toys and go home, and nobody ever wanted to fuck that kid.

G. Gordon Liddy

When he listened to Hitler on the radio, it "made me feel a strength inside I had never known before," he explains. "Hitler's sheer animal confidence and power of will [entranced me]. He sent an electric current through my body." He describes seeing the Nazis' doomed technological marvel the Hindenberg flying over New Jersey as an almost religious experience. "Ecstatic, I drank in its colossal power and felt myself grow. Fear evaporated and in its place came a sense of personal might and power."

Rating: 8 Bulldogs
We have a winner.


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The relative difficulties of women's and men's fashion

Both men and women can have the difficulties of keeping their clothing up-to-date and in time, yet men's style often feels a lot simpler. Of program, for both sexes, garments and fashion choices can be equally as complicated, and there are many'fashionable'items that could easily become fashion faux pas - who is able to say they often times see people running around in 70s flares? On the other hand, men's fashion features a few choice goods that will exist forever - which man is likely to look out of place with a good-quality, tailored suit, for example? Choose traditional pieces, colours and fabrics and you'll never seem out-of-place.

Why traditional men's fashion is eternal

The classic man's suit has barely changed for over a hundred years. True, there are many options for various situations, however they are all common in their search for a wise, sharp look for the individual. The best part about classic fashion for men is that it is effectively stylish efficiently neat. A well-groomed man will more often than not look his sharpest in a well-tailored suit, and this is a testament to the design of such apparel. A suit will be used to work in many jobs because of the professional search it provides to the person, instilling a feeling of respect and confidence. Equally a suit will undoubtedly be used to several social occasions, such as a tuxedo to a black-tie affair. This amazing versatility which allows suits to be worn in just about all occasions is what gives it its amazing side and a permanent devote men's fashion.

Modern developments in classic men's style

Whilst classic men's styles can never be changed, it's interesting to remember that shifts in men's fashion trends have produced particular common garments back in fashion. The reputation of vintage clothing, specifically, has taken back a wide-variety of basic models into men's closets, such as that of the dandy gentleman. 'Dandy'is a term used to make reference to men who dress yourself in a classic yet lavish way, placing importance on appearance and operating in a polished manner. This trend for nearly'over-the-top'traditional fashion for men is evident from events such as the'Tweed Run', where men and girls of all ages dress in obviously Victorian-style attire and take to the streets on vintage cycles - with many of the men sporting perfect mustaches! This is just one single of many examples of proof presenting the resurgence of such variations. Additionally, there are numerous sites online which concentrate on gentlemanly style - such as'The Dandy Project'and'Dandyism'- as well as complete websites such as'The Art of Manliness'specialized in giving articles on classic men's fashion and grooming.

In summary, although certain areas of traditional men's style may be cut back as new developments, the essential clothes that they are based on will never fall out of fashion.

"All it will take are a few simple costumes. And there's one secret - the simpler the better." - Cary Grant

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