Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Bear Rape

I want to take a minute to talk about Scooter Libby and bear rape.

This is a bear:



It is an hairy beast of several hundred pounds with sharp claws and three-inch teeth. It's hobbies include eating honey, riding tri-cycles, and searching for precious Gummi Berry Juice. They rarely, if ever, rape young Japanese girls.

Unless poked with a stick.

Most people don't know about the stick, and they remain blissfully in the dark about the widespread use of mind-control techniques implicit in bear rape, as well as duck rape, porcupine rape, dolphin rape, and Dyson Cyclone Vacuum Cleaner rape.

I don't know any other way to say this, so I'll just come out with it: In 1988 at Bohemian Grove, Cheney ordered me and Libby to wrap the Duke of Westchester in a plastic trash-bag, shoot a bear full of meth, and poke it with a stick until it raped him. Hunter Thompson photographed the whole affair:



I am not proud of this; I am merely telling you what happened. And also crying shame that Libby should profit from such an episode, which I am sure is indicitive of a man who has been party to all manner of bestial sexual episodes, and not just this isolated ritualistic attack upon a minor British noble.

And shame on you, anonymous Amazon.com buyers! Your disgusting voyeurism has driven up the price on Libby's puss and piss filled opus to $745! There are plenty of hard-working pornopgraphers who need that money. Or hell, just give the money to me, a bonafide victim of satanic ritual abuse. I'll warp your children for no extra charge. I'm talking nightmare stuff: semen and bone-saws, Thai schoolgirls and Kissenger on acid.

I mean, for Christ's sake, www.jeffgannon.com ain't exactly a cash cow...

17 Comments:

Blogger Tom DeLay said...

Johnny! I can't believe you're back!

7:18 PM  
Blogger Mickey said...

Amusing..

6:43 AM  
Blogger Blogenfreude said...

Scooter's novel isn't writing, it's just typing. Truman C.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Bryan said...

The japanese like their Dyson Cyclone Vacuum Cleaner rape almost as much as their wierd slimy tentacle rape. It makes them that much harder to Greenbaum.

7:03 PM  
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